I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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