Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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