Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
