I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
