wat bout pragnant strippers??
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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