nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
