Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
