were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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