Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
