R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
