They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
