In the future we'll all be gay
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
