I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
