I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
