She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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