I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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