I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
