Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
