I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
