do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
