You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
