if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
