He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
