when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
