$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
