How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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