And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
