Your mouth is God's brothel.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
