we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
