hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
