wanna go halves on a baby?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
