we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
