Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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