So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
