We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
