I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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