i think my tv is drunk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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