dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
