I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
