So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
