when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We talked him into tasing himself.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
