My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you never un-have a 4some
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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