My pussy is not your playground.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
