Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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