you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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