i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
