I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And then the night went full on bisexual.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
