he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
