i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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