You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
