I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
