I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
